someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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