You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
