Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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