I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
barbara walters just said penis...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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