I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
