I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
