3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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