Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
