Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
