you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
