Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
