Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
