I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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