so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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