I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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