i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
