Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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