Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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