in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
