Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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