I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
