i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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