My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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