I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
