As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
