i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
