the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
