Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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