apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
