nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
