your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
