u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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