I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
