ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
