A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
