I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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