I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
