She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
