I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
two words...techno handjob
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
