What a fucking waste of an outfit
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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