i will never coherently bang her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
