She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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