I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
