I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I party with great urgency now.
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