This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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