That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
