i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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