broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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