Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
