My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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