After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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