He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
