you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
